Wokay. So I had no story pretty much and had to redo completely. I guess I'll put a post up for that later. This is the new story. I haven't done the drawings/photos but I have planned out how they will look. Hopefully u get a good idea from there.
Story written in sequence. Each number is 1 shot/frame. Written in brackets is the way it will be shot (although I am probably going to be drawing) if it is necessary to understand how that scene must be portrayed.
Sequence:
1) Young adults at café party. Couches, coffee tables, dj in background, people waking about.
2) A pretty girl. Lots of guys after her. [Guys with arm around her chair backrest]
3) Lots of music [ DJ or band + musical notes.]
4) Shy guy in corner. [Shadowy corner of room]
5) DJ says “We’re gonna take a break for a bit” [Might be combined into background of another shot]
6) Music cuts. Waiter is at the table. Shy guy shouts “Can I have some salt in my coffee?” [Musical notes are cancelled out to show silence]
7) Everyone stares.
Some time later
8) End of party. People are hanging around outside the café. The pretty girl is looking at the shy guy who is facing the opposite direction.
9) She goes to talk to him. [Taps his shoulder]
10) “Why did you put salt in your coffee?” [Facing each other]
11) He says: “When I was a little boy…” [Face + speech bubble]
12) FLASHBACK: “I lived near the sea” [Text on top of picture – house by the sea]
13) FLASHBACK: “ I liked playing in the sea” [Text on top of picture – kid playing in the sea]
14) FLASHBACK: “I could always smell the sea and even taste it” [Text on top of picture – kid eating burger on the beach]
15) FLASHBACK: “Everytime I have salty coffee, it takes me back there” [Text on top of picture – in shirt and tie, outdoor café, drinking coffee, thought bubble of house on beach]
16) FLASHBACK: “I remember my childhood, my home, my parents… I miss them” [Text over image of parent holding child’s hand]
17) That Night [Text Only]
18) She calls friend on phone. “Really Cecile, it was so sweet. I’ve never met someone who dared to admit they love home, love their parents. He’s…perfect.”
19) Two weeks, lots of smiles & ‘accidental bump-intos’ later. [Text only]
20) She hands him a piece of paper
21) He reads it [Looks at it]
22) He reads it [Show contents of paper for audience to read: It is a comical contract to become her boyfriend]
23) He laughs/smiles
24) He signs.
25) Both smile.
26) 2 years later [Text Only]
27) They are married [Two hands, with wedding rings on them, held over cup of coffee maybe?]
28) 40 years later [Text Only]
29) He’s dead. [Tombstone]
30) She cries. [Wearing veil]
31) Finds box that says “For my love, if I should leave for heaven’s gates before you” [Hands opening lid. See letter and some jewellery and stuff inside]
32) Reads letter. [Show her with letter in hand]
33) Reads letter [Shot of letter. Move down for audience to read it]
34) Big smile. Tears dropping on letter. [3/4 shot of her face. See letter in her hand. Tears dropping, view of smudgy lettering on paper]
35) She’s touched/amused. [Holds letter to chest and looks at a picture of him hanging on the bedroom wall]
36) “I love you still, with my whole heart” [View from behind her, see back of her head and picture ahead of her]
Alright that's it. Hit me with your comments!
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12 comments:
hey, i think this is a nice story but it's rather long and a little draggy and expected.
maybe you can cut the story a little shorter?
and yes, i think you might have a hard time trying to find cast in this music video, so i recommend you either draw or use toys as actors.
but overall, its a good job! well done!
Wow.. thats quite a different story...
it's sweet. :)
However, it sounds hard to draw because there are so many scenes.
Maybe can skip the bumpings/acidental meetings and jump straight to her asking for his number at the club? heh.
hahaha, I really like the salty coffee part, and this is an interesting way for a shy guy to get the attention of a beautiful girl (and making sure it's also an interesting girl)...I was just a bit surprised that he actually drank coffee with salt..I expected it to be his way of getting noticed by her...really drinking coffee with salt makes him a little bit of a wacko ;) But overall I like the switch from the cafe to the story to the falling in love and I think it's actually enough to leave it at that...a nice and small love story.
Sweet story. Kind of reminds me of the song 'Love, Me' by Collin Rayes.
I think you might have some difficulty with the aging, the many different settings, etc.
Looking forward to see what your final product will be like!
Weiye
I happen to know someone who drinks coffee with salt, but i digress.
It is a very nice story, pretty long, but you have 4 minutes, 50 pictures, and you do not have to actually draw them (in my opinion). If you do get just 2 other friends, all you have to do is to take the photos anywhere near people (they be the "crowd"). The hard part about this would be some dressing up and make up.
It will take some work, but all the best!
Interesting story. Maybe you present it through words, it seems draggy. But I think photos will portray your story well.
And it seems quite a big project with so many scenes. Are you drawing it or present through photos?
Lastly, any thing special about the letter? Probably can think of something that is really very touching. Well done!
That's alot of photos you have to take! But i'm sure you gave alot of thought to this story. You seem to have some scene with speech in it. I think it is going to be difficult trying to convey speech through still images. Looking forward to your execution!
I've heard a love story that surrounds a couple who drink coffee with salt but eventually both admitted that they don't exactly like coffee with salt but did so because both thought the other party likes it this way.
My point is, I like your version instead but I too think it may be too much work for you. Perhaps you can try to compress certain elements. As for which to sacrifice, i'm afraid you've got to decide. hahaha
in my opinion, the story is pretty long. also, how are you going to do the "shouts"?
draw will be time-consuming and photos, hopefully you find actors for it. good luck.
but overall, good job! =)
I thought I heard the story before. How about changing some parts of the story to make it an adapted one?
BEAUTIFUL.
But gotta be careful if you're taking picz in cafe or lounges with low lightings huh.. cheers
Alritey I'm just gonna do 1 post to address all comments.
Must say a big thank you first for some really good input!
The story is actually a combination of some of my own ideas with 4 different (good) stories I read online. So it's definitely already adapted. It'd be quite creepy if someone else has written the same story with the exact same elements... *shudders*
Draggy: Yes it will seem so because it is all in words. I suppose I might cut some things out but only if I find it unnecessary during the video process. Because really... 3-4mins is a long time and its more important you UNDERSTAND the story and the little images will help it flow. If it seems draggy after, then I'll be glad to edit.
Skipping accidental scenes and time travel: This is a fairly easy obstacle to overcome. There's nothing elaborate needed, just the basic screen with fat text saying "10 years later".. like in movies. It's easy to follow.
The Letter: Big mistake on my part forgetting about this bit of info. The letter is actually a BOYFRIEND CONTRACT. She is asking him to be her bf (big move for a popular girl, n well... any GIRL actually). There are some witty things like having witnesses to confirm his kind attributes, worthiness as a bf and promises that he won't interfere with her girly time (shopping, dressing up)... I really like this element. Thanks for pointing out I missed out the details.
Leaving out the ending: Nah uh. Appreciate the input but in my personal taste of storytelling, small and ordinary is not for me. I always like things a bit different to make you really interested rather than just go 'oh yeah thats nice.' So I'm still going with the ending. I promise it won't be a complete bore with 36pictures... bcos in a video it will move pretty quick n it'll pass in no time.
Colin Rayes: Take it as a big compliment! Thanks!
Wah So Many Pictures You Have to Take!: Nay people, I'm drawing. Yes I know its a big task but I'm ambitious and it's quite thrilling to draw that much. I already have many of the sketches done and I know exactly how each scene is set up. Photos makes me dependent on actors and their acting skills, lots of time to edit and select pics, locations etc. So I'm going with drawings and having a blast drawing n colouring late into the nights. I'm the only idiot making loud scratchy sounds sketchin in the library and causing earthquakes with my erasing. But I have recess week and I plan to execute this =)
Speech: Yeah it's kinda tough. But we've all read comics with text in speech bubbles so I'm relying on that. I also haven't looked into my soundtrack so it's still possible to have narration in those bits. If you notice though, the scenes are planned with speech bubbles in them already so it all works out at the moment until I come up with a brillianter idea.
Time Difference: Sepia tone is a brilliant idea. Thank you!
Shouts: Exclamation marks! If narration is used, the music background will cut at that point and voice will be very loud. The point will be pretty obvious then.
Cutting shorter: Seems to be the main comment here. It IS alot of work for me I realise that, but I'd rather have more to work with than have to add rubbish scenes into my story to make it 3-4mins. I think its quite daunting creating a video that long with just still images. So I think for the requirements, the number of drawings I have is enough.
Too much work: I'll gauge as I go along. That's what artistic process is about no?
Thanks alot and I appreciate all the wonderful comments. Pretty useful and alot of empathy. nice of you all!
See you soon, enjoy the break!
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